KATRIONA WILSON IS PROBABLY NOT A VEGETARIAN

Here are list of meats and meat related products that I have eaten since my original post about my poor attempts at vegetarianism.1. Beef2. Chicken3. Chorizo4. Pork5. Pastrami6. Sausages7. Sausage rolls8. Foie gras9. A Big Mac10. A steak bake11. Veal12. Ham13. The entire contents of the world's oceans (except prawns. I hate prawns)14. Steak PieSo... Am I still a vegetarian?

KATRIONA WILSON IS A GENIUS

So we come to the end of another year and get all reflective. We relive the good times (mainly by looking through facebook photos, right?) and relive the shit times. And we RESOLVE that next year, we won’t have any shit times. How will we achieve that seemingly impossible task? We will make resolutions of course. And this year, we will stick to them! Or will we? (Of course we bloody wont, don’t be so stupid)According to my research (a very quick google search) 35% of resolutions are broken before the end of January. I am surprised by this, I would have thought it was more. New years resolutions are supposed to be these big positive steps you make towards changing your life for the better and becoming a well rounded, wonderful person but actually, in making a resolution, all you’re doing is identifying something crap about yourself and using it as a drunken conversation topic it at a Hogmanay party. My extensive and scientific research says that the top 3 resolutions made are to get out of debt, lose weight and do more exercise. Now, for someone like myself, who is not in any debt, not fat and a non driver (therefore, spend a lot of time tramping up hills carrying bags of costumes, which believe me is exercise) I can’t really run to one of these very obvious resolutions. I need to be a bit more creative. Or nit-picky. I don’t really have any bad habits like smoking or drug taking… I am fairly sensible with money… Not trying to be egotistical here but on paper, I’m alright. But that’s no good! I need to identify something rubbish about myself and resolve to change it! Otherwise what will I talk to strangers about at this year’s New Year party?! Last year, Hogmanay 2011, I resolved to stop buying lunch out every single day of life and start making my own sandwiches at home. Fairly simple, money saving and healthy. Hooray! I believe this lasted about 2 days, until I ran out of bread and worked 15 days in a row and didn’t have time to go to Morrisons. I was FORCED to go to Pret every day for an avocado wrap and a nice latte, which believe me people was difficult. Then eventually the guilt subsided and I thought ‘You know what? I bloody love nice lunches. I don’t spend money on fags or gambling or anything evil like that. My vice is a beautiful sandwich from a deli. Shoot me.’ And thus, the resolution was firmly broken, forgotten and stomped on. And that felt good!So this year, I’m not going to make any new years resolutions at all. There are obviously things I would like to achieve in 2013- some of which may be fairly huge and life changing actually (not pregnancy or a wedding before any family members freak out and die and buy hats). But if I call them resolutions A) they wont happen and B) I’m belittling them and making the fact that I don’t already have them something to feel bad about. However, I do have a suggestion on how we can move past the painful self loathing of new years resolutions and make them great. Bear with me… Based on my research, nobody keeps resolutions and they’re usually unpleasant (6am jogging in the park/ cabbage soup diets/ making ones own sandwiches instead of going to Pret a Manger = rubbish, not fun and soul destroying) So, in theory whatever resolution we make, we will break. So let’s make some really fun resolutions. Some suggestions include: going to a party every single night, taking up some sort of narcotic drug habit, drinking a cocktail with dinner (which you will buy from a takeaway) every day, buying yourself a new handbag whenever you want (go on, you’re worth it), give up your job to follow your dream of making it as a singer. It’s FINE! We’re going to break these resolutions after a few days. But think of the crazy, hedonistic fun you could have whilst trying to see them through! We can call them REVERSOLUTIONS. I think it’s catchy. I might start selling tshirts with inspirational quotes. LOVE YOURSELF. MAKE A REVERSOLUTION. It’s a winner!Although, if you all take me up on this, and end up drug addicted, debt ridden alcoholics then it wasn’t my idea. Ahem… Maybe 2013’s resolution will be to stop dispensing advice…Merry Christmas!